Life Lessons from a Toddler

It has been waaaaay too long since my last post and I apologize! This one is dedicated to my most favorite toddler in the whole wide world, Havah Grace...

For the last several years, I have had the honor of being able to watch my friend's daughter 2 days a week and while I think I have helped teach her some important things (like her ABC's and her 123's and how to shake, shake, shake her booty) I can guarantee you that she has taught me a whole lot more.
This is a summary of what I have learned from her:

• When you are mad-let it out! Don't hold it in-eventually you'll explode or implode-either way, not good-definitely not good! 
• When you're happy-let it be known!
• It is good to belly laugh
• It's good to dance when the urge strikes
• Some days, it really is just fine to stay in your jammies, watch movies, eat popcorn (and other junk food that you may particularly enjoy) *Important note here- I said "somedays".  NOT everyday.
• When you are scared, let someone know-it's okay.  Example: One summer morning, H.G. and I were sitting on the back porch watching an approaching storm. She was sitting on my lap and we were chatting and giggling about the wind and rain and lightning when a very loud clap of thunder sounded-she immediately turned around, hugged me as tight as she could and said "Aunt Carol! Hold me tight! I'm scared!!!!" And I did. And she was fine then. 
• Have I mentioned it is good to belly laugh? I don't think that can ever be said enough...
• When you are sad, it is okay to cry.
• If someone has hurt your feelings, tell them. They can't apologize or explain something they've said or done if they have no idea that there is anything wrong. Give them a chance. Most people are not intentionally being jerks.
• Don't be afraid to try new things or try doing things by yourself! You will never ever find out what you are capable of if you don't make the attempt!
• On the other hand, don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you need your friends.
• If you love someone, tell them. (it's good to throw in a great big bear hug too!)
• Some days, we have to remember to be grateful for the little things. Example: H.G. and I were just kind of having a blah day, nothing was really wrong but nothing was incredibly fabulous either. We were getting ready to play a game and I had just finished cutting out some cards for us to use. She sat down next to me on the floor and very proudly exclaimed, "YAY Aunt Carol! You used the big girl scissors all by yourself and you didn't get any boo boos! I am so proud of you!!" Well, let me just tell you, my day went from being blah to fabulous in about 10 seconds!
• If you are being ridiculous, and really have no idea why, take a nap. Seriously. Never ever underestimate the power of a little sleep. It works wonders.
• And lastly, if you are being ridiculous and the nap thing has not worked, just realize that some days, you are going to be a pinhead. And that's okay-your people will still love you. More importantly, ALWAYS remember-you need to allow others to be pinheads from time to time too. It goes both ways. 

Well, these are my life lessons from my toddler friend. It has been an adventure I hope neither one of us ever forgets-she has been a blessing to me and I wish her well as she heads off to preschool!

Love ya Havah Grace!!!!

Oh, and don't forget to belly laugh. Never ever forget to do that.

She's Mine. That one.

For quite some time now I have been trying to figure out what to make as my first post. I have talked myself out of each and every one of those thoughts and ideas, mainly because of fear-fear of it not being good enough, fear of being judged, fear of sounding like an idiot who has nothing worth sharing....anyway, you get the idea. I've decided that it's time to stop worrying about all that stuff and just do it. So here we go...
 Over the last few months I have started running again(yes, I took a 20+ year hiatus-don't judge me). When I run, I listen to my music as loud as it will go-it prevents me from hearing my ridiculously heavy breathing and pounding of my sneakers hitting the pavement/treadmill and hence realizing how out of shape I am. Anyway, each and every time, there is a song on my playlist that causes me to react very strongly and the first time it happened it really caught me off guard-it's not a sad song by any means-so I just chalked it up to maybe having a bad day. I have continued to have the same reaction to the same song each and every time though, so I realized that there must be a little something more to it. I have slowly begun to process it and here's what I came up with.
 The song is called "He's Mine" by Rodney Atkins-
 Here are the lyrics:
 Old man knocked on my front door
With my teenage boy and a couple more
From up the road
He had him by the collar
Said he caught him shootin' beer bottles
Down in the holler and smokin'
I said is that right
He said, they won't speak when spoken to
So which one here belongs to you
And I know one does
'Cause they all started runnin'
To your back forty
When they saw me comin' on my gator
I looked in them in the eyes
 And I said, he's mine that one
Got a wild-hair side and then some
There's no surprise what he's done
He's ever last bit of my old man's son
If you knew me then
There'd be no question in your mind
You know he's mine, Yeah he is
 Friday night football games I was livin' for the speakers
To call the name On the back of number thirty-seven
Just one-forty-five And five foot eleven
Maybe Limelight barely shined on him
But everyone still remembers when
He whooped up on that boy way bigger
For taking that cheap shot on our little kicker
And they threw him out
Aw man, you shoulda, you shoulda heard me shout 
I yelled he's mine that one
Got a wild-hair side and then some
It's no surprise what he's done
He's ever last last bit of my old man's son
And I'll take the blame
And claim him every time
Yeah man, he's mine and he'll always be
The best thing that ever happened to me
You can't turn it off like electricity
I love him unconditionally
I'll take the blame
And claim him every time
Yeah, y'all, he's mine
I thank God, he's mine

 Each time that I would hear these words, it hurt just a little bit, at least at first it did. I guess I should've mentioned that when I run, it's my God time-some people sit quietly and pray, some journal, some paint, I run. It removes all distractions and He gets my full attention...Anyway, I allowed myself to process what was going on and really feel. It took some time but finally I realized the pain was coming from the words "he's mine, that one, got a wild hair side...the best thing that ever happened to me...I love him unconditionally, I'll take the blame and claim him every time..." Those words hit me like someone punched me in the gut. Hard. It took me back to when I was a kid-it brought back stuff I haven't thought about in years. I was all like "what the hell God? Seriously? You're gonna bring this up? Now? I thought we already worked this stuff out!" His reply was a simple "yes". UGH. Fine. And by "fine" I mean "sooo not fine". So, I did what He and I do-I allowed Him to heal just a bit more of my heart that I thought already was healed. I allowed myself to feel. I allowed myself to hurt. I allowed myself quite a few tears. And now, I'm allowing myself to trust Him one step further and share this piece of my broken healing heart.
 Sometimes as we grow older, we forget that the pain of the past is what made us who and what we are today. We stuff it away, we hide it the best we can, because if people knew what we've been through in life they might not like us. They might not want to be friends with us. They might think that whatever it is that we've been through is just too much. Well, apparently, God has decided that this is not something I need to be concerned with so here it goes...
I've been through some real shit in life. Yup. I said it. I had a crappy childhood. I had a brother that died before I was born. I was born a "very late in life" baby that my alcoholic dad never wanted. My mom was killed in a car accident on her birthday when I was 2yrs. old. My dad drifted in and out of my life until he died when I was about 14 or 15. I lived with relatives from age 12 or 13 until I was 18 then I moved out and have been on my own.
 I'd kind of blocked all this out for a long time now. Actually, I thought I had worked through it all-obviously, I was very angry for many many years. Angry at people, angry at God-to be honest-I didn't even think there was a God for many years because I couldn't believe He would allow me to experience all of the pain that I did. Eventually, I forgave everyone and developed my relationship with God and He helped me see that people do the best they can with what they have. My family loved the best they could with what they knew. Yes, even my dad. He tried. I think he felt like he was just too broken to be fixed. He hurt a lot of people but he was also hurt by a lot of people-it makes me sad to think he couldn't see that no one is beyond fixing.
 Okay, now to the point of this post-when I heard this song, I realized how sad I was deep down, that growing up-no one ever said "she's mine!-that one! She's got a wild hair side and then some!" Not one person. Ever. No one ever came to anything I did at school. No one ever said "hey, I'm proud of you- or good job-or way to go!" And you know what? It hurts. It sucks. It sucked to be that kid. I didn't deserve it.(it took me a long time to work through that) Now, here's the cool thing. God has totally redeemed this. I now have people that say "she's mine! That one! Yeah, she's a little crazy sometimes and gets a little too passionate about things but you know what? She's mine!" God loves me enough that He placed these wonderful people in my life to make up for the too broken people of my childhood.
 AND-here is the best thing-He has given me the gift of spotting the people that need someone to claim them. He's given me a heart for the really broken, messed up, screwed up folks that haven't had anyone to cheer them on and lift them up. He's given me the gift of being able to see them and love them. Everyone deserves someone in their corner. Everyone. I don't care who you are or what you've done in life-or even if you are still so angry and have walls built up so high and thick that you don't think you need to hear someone yell your name and cheer and explode with pride-you do.
And I can't think of any better gift to be honored with.